I want to laugh. No, I need to laugh. I've been feeling really sad lately. It's funny the things your mind whispers to you when you're sad. While trying to write this post my Sad Depressed Mind (SDM) said to me in a low quiet voice, "Have you ever felt joy?", and then it answered itself, "Nope, I don't think I ever have." So I go on typing and the shit I wrote was getting sadder and sadder. Whine, whine, whine, blah, blah, blah.................
So I erase that sad shit and say to my SDM, "What!? Yes you have felt joy, you idiot!" I went on to add, "Why are you saying that shit? I know I've felt some damn joy, maybe your crazy ass ain't felt no joy! Look, don't start that shit up in here. You trying to drive me fucking crazy! Talking about you ain't felt no joy! I can't stand your ass!
I felt joy at Tipsy's wedding. I felt joy when I slept in my new king size bed. I feel joy every Monday when I get to eat free pastries left over from the doctors meeting. I felt joy when I told Mykiddo the story of her birthdate (she turned 17 yesterday, made 17 for those of you from New Orleans). I felt joy when my nephew told me he wrote me a letter. I feel joy every time I eat Graters ice cream. I feel joy when I read a good erotic story or watch some good porn. I feel joy when I take a nap. I feel joy when I'm off from work (and I don't have to work on the weekend to make it up). I feel joy when my plants are doing well. Hell! I feel joy all the time!
My SDM be trippin'. Always trying to bring me down.