Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Man Must Have Come Up With This Shit!

Warning: If you are sensitive to the subject of menstruation, periods, "auntie flo", lady time, or "monthly" get your punk ass out now! Ya mama had to have one to have your weak ass. Just leave I can't stand to look at your softy-soft ass.

With that said, have you ever read something and thought to yourself, "A man must have come up with this shit! Well, I'm having a moment like that. I found these in a popular health magazine. The following are sugesstions to relieve menstrual side effects;

1. Increase exercise
2. Avoid red meat, *chocolate, caffeine, refined sugar, *alcohol, milk and fatty foods.
3. Meditate
4. Get a massage.
5. Have an orgasm (alone or with a partner)
6. Breath deeply, relax.

For my male readers, here's a list of symptoms the tortuous monster that visits women and girls every 28 or so days;

1. Backache
2. Nausea
3. Leg pain
4. Diarrhea
5. Constipation
6. Migraine headache
7. Breast tenderness
8. Sensitivity to cold temperatures
9. Moderate to severe cramping, and
10. Irritability

I'm sure I'm leaving some out. Buth that'll do for now. Ya'll (men) don't give a shit anyway. You probably stopped reading after the second one. (I digress, my concentration is off cuz I have cramps!)

Any, after reading the second list wouldn't you agree only a man would give the advice listed in the first list? I mean really! Nobody knows a cure for this shit or trust me we would buy it, steal it, put it on lay-away, whatever..... Have an orgasm? Who in hell wants someone humping on them when they're bloated and their ass hurts, stomach, breasts hurt? No damned body! In fact if men knew the things we think of doing to them they would leave town for a couple of days and let it pass. The increased hormone levels coursing through our bodies gives us a false sense of security. We begin to think we can kill you without leaving any forensic evidence. Fuck the CSI, he had to die! We envision you in the casket........and we think, "That's good for his ass, he should have left me alone, stupid bastard."

Now do you think a massage can cure this shit. I think not. I need a piece of *chocolate and a drink.


Nap Queen said...

AMEN! I had a boyfriend once that thought #5 was a cure all. If he had humped my leg one more time, I think I would have done bodily harm. Hence, he's my "ex".

The Kept Woman said...

Eat the chocolate and take a Midol (that you will, of course, wash down with a Diet Coke)...

Men. said...

AMEN IS RIGHT! Can you believe I heard a serman at church where this fool, (yeah I called the damn pastor a fool!) said that during this time of month for a woman it's more of a mental thing. We could be the nicest person in the world during that time if we wanted to be. I tend to hurl during that time of the month for me, I need to find that fool when it comes around again.