To Do List

I tend to lose focus on things I need to do for myself. So ever so often I need to remind myself. Here goes!

1.  Stop reading EveryBodyElses damn blog every single day.
2.  Write on your own blogs more often.
3.  Take 30 minutes for yourself EVERYDAY.
4.  Go to church.
5.  Trim your split ends.
6.  Finish Work on one of your projects.
7.  Make a date with Mr Angie (get a baby-sitter)

That's enough.

Let Me Tell Y'all Bout Some Hard Shit

There is a saying that goes something like this, "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity."

Trying not to be insane is difficult as all get out! Okay, your brain has been conditioned to take in information and respond to it in a certain way. This conditioning stems from nature or nurturing and experience. I've learned that my conditioning is faulty - and should be upgraded to a less retarded model. A positive model that would support the wondrous person I am - and am becoming. So, I've been working on it. Baby steps.......crawling.......baby steps......laid out on the floor scooting on my belly........baby steps. You get the picture.

I had just started feeling like I had the hang of it. I was up to regular steps and then it happened. BAM!!! I was faced with one of those situations where you are supposed to use the new stuff. Think, only deal with truths....blah....blah....blah. Don't listen to the old voices, just the new affirmations. Ha!!!!

I failed miserably.

I felt my self slipping, but I couldn't stop. It was like going down a water slide head first. I couldn't think straight - speak straight or be straight. So much for dealing with truths and mantras and shit. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. In fact that is exactly what I did, after crying myself into a swollen eyes and a puffy face monster.

When I woke up the the next morning the situation didn't seem as bad as the day before. I realized that I did do better than I had before - I hadn't done the best that I can and will do - but I did better than I had done before.

I plan to keep trying.

This live your "best life" shit is harder than Chinese arithmetic. But living your "bad and damn near worst life" isn't a bed of roses either. Yes, I'll keep trying.

Monday Mourning

I like to sleep. No, I love to sleep. Cat naps, long naps, hibernation - sleep in any form is good. With that said, I need to file some type of complaint about my damn loss of an hour of the thing I love most. Sleep. I'm sure some white person who works 2 hours, 2 days a week - came up with this day light savings time shit! I wish I see his ass. I will bite the shit out of him! I want to go to sleep so bad.

Of course I was late to the Plantation. But, I am here. I thought about calling off- but I did not. Not because I am a good employee/slave, but because I don't have even one hour of PTO, and I am B. R.O.K.E. I must work the 80 hours necessary to remain broke, but not homeless. However, work-wife, partner in crime, naive white lady co-worker called off today. So, I'm on the only field hand on the Plantation. Not good. The contact in my left eye is doing this thing where it slides up to the top of my eyeball at 7 minute intervals. I'm as blind as a bat without my contacts. Guess what I feel compelled to do when I can't see clearly? Go to effen sleep!

I have a sociology final tomorrow that I intended to study for on the sly (covered for by work-wife, partner in crime, naive white lady co-worker). This plan has been shot to hell by her absence and the floating contact problem. I sit an "L" shaped desk here on the Plantation. I'm toying with the idea of crawling underneath it, and taking a short nap in the crook of the "L." If I could find a way not to snore I would do it. I promise I would. Since I am unable to control my loud snoring(usually accompanied by snorting and moaning) I'll try not to get underneath the desk.

Maybe I could just lie down in the middle of the floor and pretend I've passed out. I could say, upon being awakened by the Overseer, "I must have passed out, and then fallen asleep. I promise I'll get that checked out." I'm sure this plan won't look so good in retrospect, but right now it looks pretty good.

Good night.