Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm A Frutter, He's a Frutter........Wouldn't You Like To Be........

At a certain time every month (right now) I have this incredible craving. I want to have sex! Lot's of sex. Stoopit, sweaty, monkey- love sex! The kind of sex you look back at and think, "Damn, did I really do that?" You know the kind I'm talking about? If you're not sure let me try to refresh your memory. If you've ever been driving, sitting in church, or grocery shopping and had a flash-back of an "encounter", and you literally shook. You know, jerk your back a little bit and tighten up "the muscle." You then had to shake that shit off and look around to see if anyone noticed, and smile to yourself. If you've experienced any or all of the above you know what I'm talking about.

During this craving period I experience what we shall henceforth call Frutting. The term is derived from the words freak and rutt. Freak: one who is unusually skilled or talented in a particular area, ie. sex. Rutting: an annually recurring condition or period of sexual excitement and reproductive activity in mammals. Some of you, my sister and Tipsy included, may think the term frutting sounds too animalistic. But it best describes the way I feel, like an animal.

When I'm in frutt I want to call ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, and people I would never call when I'm not in frutt. Men I wouldn't normally give the time of day to begin to look real good. The African bootleg CD salesman outside of the grocery store starts to look taller and less ashy. I scroll through my phone - looking at the prospects. Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you - the prospects are not looking very good right now. I'm not dating anyone seriously - and I'm not into casual sex. In case you're wondering my "toys" are of no help when I'm in frutt. I want the real thing!

I can't wait until I can roll over one morning and tell my husband, "Baby, you can't go to work today, I'm in frutt!" Until then, I'll continue to cross my legs a lot, take cool showers, exercise and try to stay busy with other activities to take my mind off the situation.

None of that shit works - but I try.


Angie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mahogany Brown said...

There should be a little trash can at the bottom of the comment on the left side.

As for "frutting" I get in frutt about once a month. I know the feeling and it's really not a good one. The longer its been since I've had and encounter worthy of the kind of flashback you described in the beginning, the more intense the frutt lol. You just gotta wait it out, and it does suck, no pun intended unfortunately lol.

Mahogany Brown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
West said...

That sounds pretty doggone difficult.

High morals + horniness + being single = One helluva combination.

My condolences. (Interesting definition of "freak," by the way.)

Sluttiness has its perks. (As I recall, anyway.)

Angie said...

@ Mahogany, thanks for the tip. My home computer is kaput - so I do most of my blogging at work. I know, trifflin' negroes! LOL Anyway I don't get the little garbage can unless I'm on my home computer (firewalls and such at work). Dang!

As to frutting - girl is hard out here for a un-pimp! : )

@ West, "Sluttines has its perks." What the....!!!!! Are you trying to push me over the edge? That's like telling an alcoholic "drinking wine sure was fun, you felt good when you were high didn't you?" You ain't no good! : )

Paula D. said...

I am hollering over here! Girl, I be in frutt all the time. Too funny about the bootleg African CD man....I got a mental picture instantly!

As for deleting that comment above, make sure you clear out your cache & then log back in. The mini trash can should appear beneath the comment.

Man Can said...

It's soo good to know that I am not in this frutt club alone. And yes there should be a support group for people like us. All I can say to the potential candidates is don't forget to take your vitamins!

luxhie said...

'I scroll through my phone - looking at the prospects. Ladies and gentlemen l..."

Now I know I don't know you that well, but I'm open to hearing the you you present.

So, when reading the above line, I read, "...looking at the prospects-ladies AND gentlemen-" and thought, this woman is really putting her business out there.

She knows what she wants!

(I got it now, though. I got it.)

Angie said...

Luxhie, I was calling you guys, the readers "ladies and gentlemen". LOL But if I were gay, I guess I'd tell that too. : )