Friday, June 23, 2006

They Grow Up So Fast

Yesterday I had a scare at the airport. I was there to pick up MyKiddo. So, I'm standing outside the gate waiting. I'm on my cell phone and I'm trying to position myself so that she will see me as soon as she turns the corner. So I wait a few MyKiddo. Suddenly this young woman comes up to me from behind. She resembles MyKiddo but she is "grown up", fingernails done, hair done, looking all pulled together in a casual "I'm a damn college student way". Lord have mercy! So I say to her, in disbelief, "Who do you think you are?" (after hugs and kisses) She just laughed because she knew exactly what I meant.

Let me explain. I am having a hard time accepting that my daughter is going to graduate from high school next year. I keep telling her she's in the 7th grade, and I don't want to hear anything different. Now, I'm the mom that started taking this kid to college fairs when she was in the 8th grade. I have made it clear that not only will she go to college, she will go away to college. "Be independent. Live your life. You will be on your own soon. Blah Blah Blah." I have always told her she would be on her own after college and how I didn't want her to come back home. Get your own Now that the hour is swiftly approaching I'm working my way up to a nervous breakdown. I feel like this time has flown. She grew up so fast. What If I didn't teach her some important thing, what if she doesn't do well. What if she's lonely. What if she goes away and stays away. What if she makes some of the same mistakes I've made. What if she kills someone and goes to jail. What if she gives all of her money away to a homeless person with a sad story. I know it's crazy but I think of these things.

MyKiddo is a well adjusted child. She's smart and even tempered (despite me being the hot head that I am). She will be fine. And she knows her mother. So she knows, "Who do you think you are?" really means, "Do you think you are grown, and you can make it without me? Well sure you can, I taught you to do just that. But, please don't leave me!" I thought only children experience separation anxiety. I'm thinking of following her out of state to college, or feigning some illness that will require her to stay home to take care of me. I know, I need prayer. You people with children, y'all feel me?


B.Marie said...

I feel you soul sister! Well not really, I'm the mother of a 13 week-yet-not-born fetus.
It's great that you have taught her how/why she should be independent, now it may be time for you to practice some. I mean no harm, but you will also need to know you can make it without her -"come pluck me". :) You've grown so much this past year & I'm so proud of you. So please don't ask me to drive to another state on her first day of college classes. I'm sure she does not want to see you in the quad with a camera!!LOL

being mama daily said...

okaaay! so. of course we would LOVE to share this at BMD. Please say yes. This is fabulous and oh. so. true.

stay strong.