Brother West got me to thinking about what we see when we meet a prospective mate as opposed to what is really there. How much do we really want to know?
I've got this dating idea - and I think it might work. It requires total and complete honesty, which disqualifies 60% of available daters. It requires self-knowledge and acceptance, which disqualifies 30% of available daters. So now we have 10% left.
Here's how it would work. Each person fills out the "All About Me" , "All About My Family", and "Stuff You Don't Usually Find Out Until You're Already Sprung" sections, including facts and figures and about their life. They would then give said information to perspective mates for review. After review of each others information - they could decide if they want to date or not.
This is how the sections might look:
"All About Me"
My name is Suzy Q. I'm 32 years old. I have a great sense of humor but I'm moody sometimes. I'm the oldest child, and kind of bossy.
I was married for 5 years, and then divorced. My ex-and I divorced because I got us into serious financial debt, and he cheated. I have bad credit and I'm working diligently to rectify the problem.
My ex and I have a child together. He has a relationship with the child and takes financial responsibility for him. My ex is intrudes into my relationships and still has feeling for me. I, however do not have feelings for him. I would have another child if my mate wanted one, however not after I am 40, under no circumstances.
I like to have sex a lot, and need a lot of attention. I do not enjoy anal sex and I will not try it again, under no circumstances. I enjoy performing and receiving oral sex. I am not interested in a mate with a man with a small penis, under no circumstances.
I'm a hard worker. I keep a clean home. I love to cook and I am good at it. I do not like to wash the car or cut the grass.
All About My Family
I'm Troy H, and I'm 45 years old. My family is pretty messed up. My uncle molested me and my male cousins until we were 13 or 14 years old. My family has never dealt with the issue of abuse in our family - so holidays and family get-togethers are really bad, and usually end in fights. My mother is an alcoholic and will probably need to come and live with us because her liver is failing. My brother is on crack and should not be allowed in the house, under any circumstances. My sister is cool and she an I are close.
Stuff You Don't Usually Find Out Until You're Sprung
My name is Cassie. I'm 27 years old. I did a lot of cocaine in college. Now I just do it on the weekends - unless I really need it during the week. I slept with a few guys in your fraternity but it didn't mean anything and I don't sleep around anymore. I have herpes.
Now, to participate is this exchange, you must be prepared for the ugly truth. When you're reading the other person's remember your real truth ain't so pretty either. The truth is never pretty - but it is necessary.
(The above mentioned characters are fictional. Don't email me trippin'!)
Questions
Would you want to know those kinds of things about a perspective mate before you dated them?
Would you be willing to disclose that kind of information about yourself to a perspective mate, could you be that honest?
5 comments:
Interesting stuff.
I think such harsh realities are best served in doses. Also, it helps if there's a connection there, already because 1) it increases the tolerance of the listener and 2) it increases how much the speaker trusts the listener.
Not every prospective mate is trustworthy enough to give or take appropriately in such a situation. The ones that are might wittle that 10% down so small that all the single folks in the world would instantly sink into a state of depression.
BUT, it's finding the special someone who IS worthy of and accepting of the best and the worst we have to offer that makes the journey worthwhile... especially since we're all works-in-progress.
This has been great food-for-thought. Thanks.
LMAO!!! That was definitely the funnies thing I've read all day lol. I would certainly want to know all of those things and I wouldn't mind spilling the beans either. But if you keep runnin the numbers game, after the 10% fills out the questionaire and say 5% have jacked histories and crazy families, another 4% aren't interested in you after reading your personal history, you're left with about 1% lol. The dating world sucks lol.
I'm a pretty private person. Not that I have a lot to "hide", per se, but you never know what folks will do with the information they are given. And everything ain't everybody's business. With that said, I probably wouldn't be willing disclose too deep a level of intel (at least, not up front), and therefore wouldn't expect it in return.
Would I WANT to know all of that up front? Well like West said, I think its best served in doses. Gives each person a chance to process the information, and see if they can handle going forward......knowing its only gonna get "deeper" and more challenging as time goes on.
West, You are probably right about the small doses thing, however, what if we had to take it in, give it all at once. That would be a trip - I know my file would scare a bunch of dudes off! : )
Hey Mahogany! Glad you came by. Girl the dating world is the pits! I'll be checking your spot out today. : )
Hi Be Good! You and West are right in a "sensible sane way", me on the other hand - I'm nuts, and I'm tired of the time it takes to find out all of the crazy stuff. Just give it to me up front, I'll give you mine and we'll see what happens from there. :)
I'll say this about upfront disclosure, though, when it does happen, I've learned to give it the weight it deserves.
A woman (or anyone, for that matter) who tells you she's moody or indecisive or whatever, from the get-go, is really doing the both of you a favor. Ignoring that kind of information would be doing each of you a disservice.
I learned that one the hard (but kinda fun) way.
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