Sunday, July 30, 2006
Eenie Meanie Minie Moe
When you grow up there are some decisions that you have to make. Decisions that you were oblivious to as a child. Decisions that make you wish that you were once again an oblivious child. Making said decisions bring you closer to the reality of your circumstances than you'd like to be. Here it is. Should I pay my car insurance or pay my phone bill?
I generally don't have a hard time making decisions, and after weighing my options I made the choice.
Here's the thing. This shit screams "You are poor!". Even though you have a safe and warm place to sleep, food to eat, and are tremendously blessed - You are poor. You are choosing between car insurance and phone services, not Prada shoes or a piece of jewelry from Tiffany's.
Here's why this is a bitch. I don't think I should be poor. I fancy myself a resourceful strong woman. A woman for all seasons. One of my friends referred to me as a 'renaissance woman" the other day, and I think she is right. I can cook my ass off, I can sew, crochet, garden, and bake. I love a good riesling and a good cigar. You can find an eclectic mix of music on rotation in my cd player, from jazz to hip hop. I like to travel and I'm open to a host of new experiences. I'm a Christian single mother who works full time and attends college. Goddamn it, I am not supposed to be poor!
I'm supposed to be living in a house in the country with a fruit and vegetable garden in the back yard. I'm supposed to drink lemonade under my favorite shade tree and contemplate world affairs. I should be journaling at my favorite coffee shop before going home to cook dinner for my husband. I should be taking guitar lessons and planning trips abroad. I'm supposed to be planning seasonal dinner parties for eight. I should be shopping, and smiling. I should be going for long walks donning big straw hats and sunglasses.
That is the life I should have.
Instead, I chose to pay the car insurance so that I can drive to and from work and school legally.....so that I can continue to be a Christian single mother who works full time and attends school.
I don't need to talk to anyone on the phone, unless they can give me the life I should have.