What the hell?!

A year ago Tipsy's old ass had a baby. A beautiful baby girl with the most expressive big brown eyes you ever want to see. (The Beautiful Baby Girl will henceforth be referred to as "BBG") Upon giving birth to the child Tipsy lost her mind. She transformed into "Super Diligent Mom." The woman now lives and breathes BBG. Tipsy doesn't allow her to cry, sweat, fart, or burp without parental supervision, ie. picking her up and holding her. To say that BBG is spoiled is not accurate. She only acts spoiled rotten when she is with Tipsy. When she is with Tipsy's husband she's fine. I kept her for a week while Tipsy and the hubby went on a cruise - she was fine. But when Tispy is around BBG whines, makes sad faces and generally has the woman jumping through hoops. She hits Tipsy on the head and pulls her hair and bites her frequently. Now you may be thinking this co-dependant, cut-up with your mama behavior is born of Tipsy being an older mother (40). It's not.

Take my sister for example, she's 32 and her youngest son is two years old. He is the cutest caramel colored miniature man ever. He is also - the Demon Child. The same cut-up with your mama behavior rears its ugly head with him and my sister. Now don't get me wrong, the boy is ill-tempered all of the time. But he acts a complete fool when his mother is around. He yells at her, ignores her, runs away from her,talks back to her and causes her physical harm when he gets the notion to. And my sister ain't no punk. She spanks, yells, punishes and pinches. I don't think I'm supposed to tell about the pinches, but there it is. The point is, he is unaffected by any of it.

Why do kids act like deranged animals with their mothers?

BBG cries while Tipsy prepares food for her - as if to say "Hurry up slave heffa!". When she was in my care she smiled and helped me pick out what she wanted to eat next. What the hell?!

Demon Child likes to tell folks to "shep-pup", translation, shut up. My sister slaps his lips when he tells her to shut it. But he has come up with a plan to thwart her slapping him. Now when he tells her to "shep-pup!", he slaps himself on the mouth and runs away. Again, I say what the hell?!

Well, they ain't my bad ass kids so I'm gonna go sit over here in the corner and shep-pup......

The End of Auto Pilot

For the past year or so I've been coasting. I've been floating on whatever winds that blew through. Winds of change,physical frailty, financial lack and mental fucked-up-ness. I've used this coasting as a means of survival, and it has served me well. I've used coasting to float through situations that were to painful for me to face. I've used it as a means to transport my mind from my reality to a more pleasant place. I've got coasting down to a science.

Here's the thing about coasting, if you do it long enough you may forget how to "not coast." Now don't get me wrong - I've always done what I was "supposed" to do. Coasting never prevented me from keeping my obligations. But it has been useful to tint the hue of my rose colored glasses a little darker. I convinced myself that I was doing what I had to do to get through. And maybe that's what it was at first, but somewhere along the line it changed. At some point I stopped facing problems, or maybe I never learned how to face them properly.

Here's what auto-pilot looks like. If/when faced with a problem, uncomfortable situation, work around it. Take the path of least resistance. Work harder. Don't say "no". Suck it up. Remember you're strong enough. You are in control. Just keep plugging along and everything will be fine.

Well, as you may well know all of that is bullshit.

Sometimes it's necessary to face your situation. Take an honest look at it and at yourself. Accept that you cannot control everything all of the time. That sometimes you need help. That you are not perfect. That you are fragile. That you may fail. And that all of the aforementioned are is okay. It's not great, it's not fair, it's not pretty and it's damn hard. But it's okay.

Auto pilot off, wish me luck.