Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought to yourself, "I sure wish I liked you more." Well, I had that experience over the weekend. The guy was The Possible from Serial Dating-2. He's a nice guy, but he's a nerd. Which in itself isn't to bad, because I'm kind of nerdy myself. But this dude is Captain Super Nerd. He drove to Columbus from Cleveland for the weekend. We went out to dinner Friday night. Saturday we checked out the Degas exhibit a the Columbus Museum of Art, and ended with dinner at my place. I cooked the best fish couvillion I have ever made in my life. Damn it was good! But I digress - to sum it up, there was no chemistry. None. Nada. Zilch. Nary a drop.
But, I wished there was because serial dating is time consuming damn it!
Between work and school who has time to get to know seventy eleven knuckleheads? And then I'm a knucklehead too - so there's that. The Possible and I had a lot in common, we like good wine, we like art, we both like to read and learn about new things, blah, blah .............and we still weren't compatible. I need a man who has a little swagger. Not a pimp swagger, just a little sumthin'- sumthin'. I need him to have some flava. You know what I mean? Well so far it all adds up to ordering more sex toys and calling it a night.
I think I'm going to take a couple of weeks off to rest up. Or do you think I should get right back on the horse? Hair of the dog kinda thing?
Monday, January 22, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Give Peppermints A Try
Thursday, January 18, 2007, 7:10pm
There is a girl in my Sociology class eating Violet Mints. For those of you who don't know what Violets are, they are a kind of candy. A candy I despise. They smell like bathroom freshener to me - but that's neither here nor there.
The thing is Urban Red loved Violet Mints. So watching this co-ed munch on them made me think of U-Red. I haven't spoken to her since 2003. (2003!) That's amazing to me because she and I were closer than panties and ass. We talked on the phone constantly, we went on trips together, we were entwined into each other's families, we had each other's backs and we laughed together constantly. We supported each other through some really tough times - abuse, divorces, being poor as hell, raising our kids, and family crisis's.
The odd thing is as much as we loved each other we were very different. Sometimes differences in friendship is a good thing. It helps to pull each one out of themselves in a way. However, differences are sometimes encumber friendship. I think our differences definitely stood in the way of our friendship in some ways. It's easier to say necessary things to people you feel are like you. It's hard to let someone unlike yourself beyond your boundary point. But I did it anyway. I let her in.
If you are a wimp like me, it's hard to say difficult things to people because you don't want to hurt them. Also, if you are a wimp like me you have let these difficult things fester - now they seem bigger than they actually are........then you get mad......... you get depressed.......you implode. I failed to assert myself - sometimes I failed to separate my self. This led to resentment. Probably resentment on both our parts. She probably resented my neediness, my unrealistic perception of the world, my............well, let's just say there is a long list of things she may have resented about me. But like me she kept mum - and allowed me beyond her boundary point as well.
The thing about a relationship like this, with these kinds of people is an explosion or implosion is bound to inevitable. I imploded. U-Red is not the type to implode, she exploded. And we never fixed it. We never tried to find a way to have a different relationship. One with boundaries.
How do you start over? Every time I consider our friendship and subsequent break I can't get to the part where I know how to start over. I don't know if I've grown enough to do it right. I know I don't have the energy to do it wrong again. I don't know if I care enough anymore. So until then, I think about her. Less often than I used to but I still think about her. How is she? How did she fare after the storm? How is my god son? Is she happy? I think about the fun we had, how we laughed and cried together.
But for now, I'm wondering why is this girl eating those stinky Violet Mints in class?
There is a girl in my Sociology class eating Violet Mints. For those of you who don't know what Violets are, they are a kind of candy. A candy I despise. They smell like bathroom freshener to me - but that's neither here nor there.
The thing is Urban Red loved Violet Mints. So watching this co-ed munch on them made me think of U-Red. I haven't spoken to her since 2003. (2003!) That's amazing to me because she and I were closer than panties and ass. We talked on the phone constantly, we went on trips together, we were entwined into each other's families, we had each other's backs and we laughed together constantly. We supported each other through some really tough times - abuse, divorces, being poor as hell, raising our kids, and family crisis's.
The odd thing is as much as we loved each other we were very different. Sometimes differences in friendship is a good thing. It helps to pull each one out of themselves in a way. However, differences are sometimes encumber friendship. I think our differences definitely stood in the way of our friendship in some ways. It's easier to say necessary things to people you feel are like you. It's hard to let someone unlike yourself beyond your boundary point. But I did it anyway. I let her in.
If you are a wimp like me, it's hard to say difficult things to people because you don't want to hurt them. Also, if you are a wimp like me you have let these difficult things fester - now they seem bigger than they actually are........then you get mad......... you get depressed.......you implode. I failed to assert myself - sometimes I failed to separate my self. This led to resentment. Probably resentment on both our parts. She probably resented my neediness, my unrealistic perception of the world, my............well, let's just say there is a long list of things she may have resented about me. But like me she kept mum - and allowed me beyond her boundary point as well.
The thing about a relationship like this, with these kinds of people is an explosion or implosion is bound to inevitable. I imploded. U-Red is not the type to implode, she exploded. And we never fixed it. We never tried to find a way to have a different relationship. One with boundaries.
How do you start over? Every time I consider our friendship and subsequent break I can't get to the part where I know how to start over. I don't know if I've grown enough to do it right. I know I don't have the energy to do it wrong again. I don't know if I care enough anymore. So until then, I think about her. Less often than I used to but I still think about her. How is she? How did she fare after the storm? How is my god son? Is she happy? I think about the fun we had, how we laughed and cried together.
But for now, I'm wondering why is this girl eating those stinky Violet Mints in class?
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Serial Dating 2
I'm getting the hang of this serial dating thing. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, making contact with men first, speaking to folks and putting myself out there. The more casual I am about the whole thing the more reponses I get. I'm loving that. However, introducing yourself to strangers who you may never speak to again becomes redundant after a while.....but I shall push through. : )
So far there is "The African" and a possible. I don' t exactly know what to do with "The African". It's clear to me that he wants a soley sexual relationship - and he could be the one Industious counseled me about. The one that you only have sex with, thus giving you the opportunity to get to know the others without having sex with them. Hmmm, sounds good, but not so easy for me to do. Industrious was worried about my ability to pull this off and she may be right. I'm not accustomed to having a relationship that is soley based on sex, it just doesn't sit well with me. I know - I'm old enough, I'm all liberated and shit.....but deep down inside I'm a one man woman. And I'm not sure I want to be reformed.
I may have to amend my serial dating plan. Drop the "just for sex guy", and stick to the meet and date four guys part.
The Not Ghetto Dating Site has turned out to be a bust. I have closed my account and moved on. I can't pay them to send me crappy matches, I can do that shit for free on my own. Like I've been doing.
I'll keep yall posted on "The Possible" and the next three.
So far there is "The African" and a possible. I don' t exactly know what to do with "The African". It's clear to me that he wants a soley sexual relationship - and he could be the one Industious counseled me about. The one that you only have sex with, thus giving you the opportunity to get to know the others without having sex with them. Hmmm, sounds good, but not so easy for me to do. Industrious was worried about my ability to pull this off and she may be right. I'm not accustomed to having a relationship that is soley based on sex, it just doesn't sit well with me. I know - I'm old enough, I'm all liberated and shit.....but deep down inside I'm a one man woman. And I'm not sure I want to be reformed.
I may have to amend my serial dating plan. Drop the "just for sex guy", and stick to the meet and date four guys part.
The Not Ghetto Dating Site has turned out to be a bust. I have closed my account and moved on. I can't pay them to send me crappy matches, I can do that shit for free on my own. Like I've been doing.
I'll keep yall posted on "The Possible" and the next three.
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